


Parallels

by Gabriele Schulz (velocitygrass)



Series: The Parallels Series [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Timeline, F/M, Hitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-04-07
Updated: 1999-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-12 15:45:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/126505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/Gabriele%20Schulz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Giles finds himself in a parallel universe, where he and Buffy are a couple, which causes him to admit his long-hidden feelings for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set before Becoming and makes little sense if you haven't seen What's my line, Innocence, Surprise and Passion.
> 
> The original note for this included: "This is my first fanfic, so be kind ;-)" I did not edit any of the mistakes, so you'll find completely random commas, purple prose and POV switches from sentence to sentence.
> 
> Content notes/warning: The character death warning is for Alternate!Angel, which is mentioned and the aftermath of which is discussed. There's an instance of Alternate!Giles hitting Buffy hard to shake her out of her grief (which works). Upon re-reading now, I also felt slightly uncomfortable about how Giles wants to approach the relationship with his Buffy back in his own universe (i.e. that he plans to convince her that she loves him). Then there's the Giles/Alternate!Buffy aspect of it.

Something was wrong. He was sure of that now. He had felt it, earlier in his flat but couldn't tell _what_ it was. Then later in the library, a teacher had asked for some books, chatting with him, which of course was not unusual - if he had _known_ him. But he couldn't recall ever seeing him and still this man had talked as if he knew him. He could have explained that though. A new member of the staff, perhaps a substitute teacher. But now he was looking at Xander and Willow arm in arm kissing. Buffy had lazily dropped into a chair, now checking her nails. They were not looking at him, not grinning, not trying to see what his reaction would be. No, just like the man in the morning, they seemed to think, that he _knew_ , Xander and Willow were a couple. After they finally could tear away from the other's lips and eyes, they only said, "Hey Giles"

"We'll see you at the Bronze," Willow said to Buffy.

"If the G-Man doesn't tear you apart."

Buffy just shot a look at Xander. No matter how non-enthusiastic she was, Giles would never be a match for her. At least when it came to physical fight. She smiled at that thought.

As Xander and Willow walked out, Giles absentmindedly got up from the chair he had been sitting in, in an earlier unsuccessful effort to forget his uneasy feelings and work through some books. He went a few steps after the young couple, as if to follow, but when he realized they were gone, he stopped, still looking at the door though.

< What was going on? >

He was so caught up in his thoughts, that he didn't see Buffy, who could bring herself to get out of the chair to start training. She got a pad and gave it to him. Then she tried to concentrate and prepare for the first kick. When she saw his blank gaze, she asked, "Are you ready?"

His answer came automatic: "Yes. Yes."

He was totally unprepared for her blow, so Buffy struck him down to the ground.

"God, Rupert!"

The pain was horrible, and yet the fact that she had called him by his first name, somehow made it to his conscious, where it added to the terror of the whole situation, although it did please him.

She knelt down beside him and removed his shirt and his undershirt to take a look at the left side of his torso, where she had hit him.

He was astounded by the matter of course, she displayed while unclothing him and when she softly touched the injury, he could hardly feel anything, though his face seemed to express some pain, because she sadly but lovingly looked at him.

"Nothing seems to be broken. My poor watcher."

She stroked his cheek and a sensation more alarming than pleasurable went through his whole body. But he didn't move and held his breath. But when Buffy lowered her head and kissed his throbbing flesh, his immediate reaction was withdrawal and a terrified "Buffy!"

She was surprised, worried, but also losing her temper.

"Rupert, what is wrong with you today."

The question should have been, 'What is right?' He could have easily answered that with a 'Nothing!'

Buffy was waiting for an answer, he could not give, so he just asked:

"How long have Xander and Willow been together?"

"What?"

"How long have they been a couple?"

She looked totally confused, but his eyes were pleading for an answer.

"As you very well know, they finally got together shortly after Angel's death.

"Angel is dead?!"

Buffy's eyes were full of worry now.

"What is going on, Rupert?"

This short sentence warmed his heart. The fact that Angel seemed to be dead in this universe, or whatever it was, finally assured him, that this had to be a different world. And it was not a shock, but a relief. The doubts were gone. He was either mad or dreaming or this was just another little surprise courtesy of the Hellmouth. He smiled at her and noted the relief in her eyes, though the smile, she returned was only halfhearted.

"Something is going on, that I cannot explain," he said in answer to her question.

Despite of what he had just said, she seemed to expect an explanation.

"I woke up today and everything was very strange. A teacher, whom I've never met. Willow and Xander a couple. Angel dead. And you...", 'kissing me,' was what he thought, but he finished, "calling me Rupert."

She still seemed to expect more and then he realized, that all of the things he found so strange, seemed normal to _this_ Buffy, so he added,

"And I can't explain any of it. Yesterday Willow and Xander were just friends. Well she was in love with him, I guess anyone could see that, and I always thought...", Buffy gave him a look and he continued, "Angel was alive and you..."

"Were just your slayer," she finished for him.

She finally seemed to understand his situation.

"Should you two be doing that here? I mean, not that I wouldn't want to watch, well maybe I wouldn't, I guess some guys wouldn't mind. But I doubt Snyder would find it quite as stimulating, but hey, if you decided to go public, I'm fine with it."

Xander was out again, having fetched the book that he had left.

They realized that they were still on the floor, Giles partly unclothed. She helped him up and he went for ice to tend his hurting skin.

~~~

He drank tea listening to her. They had gone to his flat, which they had agreed would be a better place to talk. Now they were both sitting on the couch. < Just like when I told her the truth about my past and Eyghon. > It hadn't taken long to find out that the difference in their past started with Angel's death. He could clearly sense her sadness and guilt. Guilt that she had let Kendra persuade her to inform the others before going to that church. When they had come, it had been too late. All the other inconsistencies in their memories (and lives) had come from that single event. Willow had been heart-broken. Xander had stayed with her all night to comfort her. This night and the new closeness, it had triggered between them, had finally led to the commitment, that he had witnessed earlier in the library. The teacher he had talked to was the replacement for Ms. Calendar who had left shortly after Angel's death.

"She had an unrejectable job offer," Buffy said, wanting to justify that she had not only left the school but also Giles.

He was sad as always, thinking about Jenny, but also grateful, that Buffy wanted to make this fact easier for him. Did she think they were still a couple? Maybe. She couldn't know, as he had said nothing about _his_ past except that Angel hadn't died and that Xander and Willow weren't together. Nothing about Angel turning into Angelus and Jenny's real reason for being in Sunnydale. He wondered whether she had told him the truth after Angel's death or if she had told him the story, he had just heard from his slayer.

Buffy had stopped talking and waited for him to speak. She hadn't said a word about their own relationship. For some reason he was grateful for that. He knew that he should ask about it, gathering any information he could get, but he was afraid. He had forced any thought about it out of his brain on their way to his flat. He didn't want to raise the emotions, the feelings he had forced down so deep his soul, that even their denial was only subconscious. (But they were scratching on the surface viciously.) He had all the information, he needed to research the topic, he told himself and chose to believe that that was the reason not to inquire more.

"I'll go back to the library to get some books, while you are patrolling."

"Are you sure?"

"Very much," he said, hoping he sounded encouraging. "Everything will be all right."

She still looked worried, when she got up and went towards the door. She looked back a little insecure.

"Be careful, Buffy."

These seemed to be the right words, for she smiled and said, "As always, Ru...Giles." and left.

< Call me Rupert, > he thought, but pushed it away immediately, knowing that it would lead to other thoughts, that he was determined to ignore. He had other things to do. He had to research.

~~~

Buffy was at the graveyard thinking about what had happened. Thinking about Rupert. Giles. She hadn't volunteered to talk about their relationship, because she thought it might embarrass him. Not that she would have told him any details about the more intimate part of their relatively new relationship. She probably couldn't have, if he'd asked her. Not while he was this other Giles. The Giles that did not love her. She winced at that thought. This was the scariest part of it all. Not to see the overwhelming love in his eyes, when he looked at her, which he seemed to avoid. They hadn't spoken on the way to his flat and he hadn't looked at her one single time, instead concentrating on the (nearly non-existent) traffic - or something else. Or someone else.

She had noticed the sadness, when she had told him, that Ms Calendar had left. She didn't want to think about the relationship, they probably had, and which must be the reason for him, not to ask more. It would seem like cheating to talk about his relationship with another woman and especially if it was to that same woman. She didn't know why she felt so insecure. She knew Giles loved her. _Her_ Giles that is. Rupert. And still it made her uneasy, that he could be in love with someone else. What would have happened, had Ms Calendar stayed? Would the time they had spent together after Angel's death, when he had comforted her and had helped her out of the black hole of guilt and grief, she had been trapped in, had that new closeness led to the realization, that they loved each other, had in fact always loved each other? Or could it be that they had been wrong? That their bond, which was undeniable even between her and that "new" Giles, was not naturally one of love, but only potentially?

Giles and Jenny, she herself and Angel.

The fact that Angel was alive in this other world was hardly a comfort. She had loved him of course and she still loved him, but her feelings for her watcher were so much more...what was the right word? She probably couldn't describe her feelings for him in 1000 words. The closest thing would be, that he meant everything to her. He was her watcher. Her friend. Her lover. Father, brother and son. He was the one she turned to in sadness and joy. Her overwhelming feelings for him brought tears to her eyes. She wanted to go to his home and seek comfort. She wanted him to hold her, to stroke her hair, while she cried in his shirt, which he wouldn't mind.

But she could not ask the Giles waiting in that familiar room to hold her, or could she? She didn't know whether she was able to risk seeing his discomfort at that question. She wasn't. But she had to find out about his feelings for her. Suddenly she felt enthusiasm rise in her. Her survival skills took over. And they said that she hadn't been wrong. _They_ hadn't been wrong. They loved each other and always had. And that meant that this Giles loved her too, even if he didn't know it. And even if he didn't, _her_ Giles  < Rupert > loved her. Loved her as much as she loved him. And if their love wasn't meant to be, but only a gift in _her_ life, then she would appreciate it just the more. She walked fast to his flat, seeking answers to her questions and to find out, whether he had found a way to bring back _her_ Giles.


	2. Part 2

He was surprised to see her. He had expected that they would meet again the next day, in the library, with the others. She came in and sat down on the couch carefully pushing aside one of the books that were scattered everywhere.

"Have you found something?"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

He sat down to her right, pushing back the books between them that wanted to fall down.

'Well?' the look on her face asked.

"Eh, it's something that seems to occur roughly twice a century. The watcher is transferred into...well, I guess we could call it a parallel universe."

< Why was it that he either babbled endlessly about something that could be said in a word or stated something matter-of-factly that definitely needed explanation, > she thought in dismay.

"And...," she encouraged him.

"Eh, yes. It seems that the worlds are always quite similar, with the differing event in the very near past."

"Like Angel's death."

"Yes. Sometimes the difference between those worlds is hardly noticeable. A few times I didn't find anything in the diaries, that would indicate, they even noticed."

"But you do return?"

"Yes."

She sighed in relief and then looked up, trying to excuse that she would want him to leave, but he smiled understanding her feelings.

"Everything will be as it used to be."

"We won't remember anything?"

"Oh, yes, I mean, the diaries said, that the watchers remember these days both as the one in the parallel world and the one that stayed in their world." At her confused look he added, "Maybe like you and Xander remember Halloween. Partly as yourself, partly as the ones you became."

She nodded.

"So there is a...duplicate of you in your world right now."

"I guess, you could call it that. A duplicate, another instance of me."

"Then where is my Giles right now?"

< My Giles, > the words echoed in his head.

"I...I'm afraid, I don't know."

She looked worried.

"I'm sure he is fine." That hardly helped.

"The diaries don't tell of that part. Wait..." He got up and suddenly had that all-excited look on his face, that appeared, whenever he was about to find out something new, even if it was about a demon who could kill a considerable amount of innocent people. She shuddered. He leafed through a couple of books while he went on indicating an entry once in awhile, more to himself than to her.

"There is no account of the watcher in the parallel world in the diaries. Only entries that talk about the trip to the other world. And only after they have come back."

"Which means?"

"As these...transfers seem to occur in every parallel (at least those close to our world) we can safely assume watchers were not only transferred from but also to each parallel."

"Like you to my world."

"Yes. But as there are no entries dealing with waking up in a different world, they must have been replaced by the original watcher's entries. Entries by _your Giles_ ," he said smiling at her.

"So he will be back, and actually never have left."

"I suppose."

"Then you _will_ remember, but I won't."

"We can't be sure of that. Most parallels were only slightly different. The watchers probably didn't even talk to their slayers about it. So it might very well be that the transferred watchers were replaced with their originals and the slayer and others just thought he acted a little...beside himself. Or if she did notice the replacement, she might not have told him."

She looked not understanding why a slayer wouldn't tell her watcher about something like that.

"Not all watcher/slayer relationships are as good as ours."

He blushed a little at her smile and sat down again.

"I'm actually thinking of one particular watcher, who seemed to have been very strict. I doubt that his slayer would have dared to tell him, even if she did notice."

"And there weren't _any_ transfers with great differences in the parallels and a watcher/slayer pair, who trust each other?"

"I think the last one, in 1952 was like that. But we were the start and not necessarily also the destination, so we wouldn't know of any entries. They would be in a parallel that was initiated from a different outcome in an event of 1952."

"So basically you know, that you'll remember both, that my Giles will return remembering nothing..."

"Or also two worlds if he was transferred at the same time."

"Yes, and you have no idea, what I will remember?"

"Exactly."

"And this occurs every 50 years?"

"Roughly only. As I said, on a few occasions I could find nothing. And of course I didn't go through all the diaries. I started with this book, that lists common occurrences for watchers or slayers and didn't find anything, which wasn't very surprising, because I guess I would have remembered reading about something like that, especially considering that we are near the turn of the century, millenium even. Anyway, I started going through the diaries. The first one I chose was of about a hundred years ago. And I only found a little hint. I went on and found a little more in other turn-of-the-century diaries. And then I started with the middle of the centuries, where also found evidence. After that I looked around the quarters, but after finding nothing around 1975, 1925, 1875 and 1825, I stopped looking, but it might happen at other times. Maybe you just have to look for it closely."

"What did it tell about the...re-transfer?"

"It just happens."

"It just happens? No ritual, no spell, no nothing?"

"The night of the next full moon, I'll be back where I belong."

"That's in two days."

"Yes."

"That must have been quite a bit of calculating. And all in one evening." She smiled proudly.

"Actually I didn't find that out."

At her confused look he explained.

"It was the watcher who was transferred in 1952. All of this is basically his theory."

"Then you knew this could happen?" She was still confused.

"Well, actually I never use his entries as reference."

"Why not?"

"Ehm, he was schizophrenic."

"What?"

"He saw evil in everything, except his slayer, one might note. Every one was a demon, even members of the watcher's council. And if they weren't demons, they were allies of them. Of them or of Aliens, threatening him or his slayer."

"Oh."

"You see, why his discovery didn't make it into the books."

"And yet he was right."

"So it seems."

The story saddened her. It seemed ironic that of all the entries the only one that really helped them was by a watcher no one believed. How had it been for his slayer to have such a trainer and mentor? Did he kill her with his hallucinations?

"What happened to them?"

"He was killed. He was hit by a train, when he ran away from a little kid, he obviously believed to be a demon."

"And his slayer?"

"Ehm, she said, that he was the best watcher, she ever had."

She believed that without hesitation. This watcher had lost everything, his sanity, his life, his credibility to the generations of watchers to come, but not the loyalty to his slayer. She felt a kinship with them. Rupert had told her, that if the council ever found out about their relationship, he would immediately be dismissed. It was one of the reasons, why only Willow and Xander knew about them. He would of course never leave her, but it would be difficult for them - and her new watcher, if he would be replaced. And she didn't think that their love diminished their ability as a watcher or a slayer. The opposite seemed true. They trained more and fought less with each other. They gave way more often, and if they argued, it was usually more affectionate bantering than actual disagreement. She smiled thinking of that.

He wondered what she was smiling about.

"I just thought about us," she said, when she saw it.

"Oh."

He quickly looked down.

"You know, you don't have to look away every time I say 'us'."

He blushed and looked up at her.

"I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I mean you're..." she swallowed "...you're probably with Ms Calendar in your world."

"No, no."

She looked at him curious, but he just said once more: "No."

"Is there someone else?"

"No. There isn't."

She took away the books that were between them and placed them on the ground. When she moved a little closer towards him, he recoiled from her.

"God, Giles, I'm not a demon."

He looked at her surprised by how much she sounded like _his_ Buffy.

"And I swear I'm not going to rape you."

He laughed uneasily: "Of-of course not."

"I'd never do anything, you don't want me to do."

It didn't sound insinuating and it wasn't meant to be, but he couldn't help the ferocious blush.

Ever since she had kissed him that morning he had fought his thoughts about this particular part of this other world. He had ignored the fact, that this Giles had probably been intimate with Buffy. This Buffy. He had only thought about how logical it was that Jenny went away after Angel's death and how little it surprised him, that Xander and Willow were a couple. Willow had of course been in love with Xander for quite a while. And thinking of the occasions, where Willow had been in danger and how Xander had reacted, it seemed only a matter of time (and opportunity) that he would realize his feelings for her were more than those of a friend (even after Cordelia came into the picture).

But he had refused to think about the fact that Buffy could possibly fall in love with him and even more so he had buried the thoughts about his feelings for her. Responsibility. Loyalty. That was expected from him. Not love, not desire. Wanting. 'I'd never do anything you don't want me to do' she had said. And the embarrassment, that made him blush, was soon replaced with fear. Now that she was sitting next to him, now that he didn't have to go through centuries of other watchers' entries, the feelings, he had suppressed so long, forced their way out.

< I love her. God, how much I love her. Her body, her soul, her...being. >

The shock of it must have been reflected in his face, for Buffy put her hand on his shoulders, a worried look on her face.

"Rupert, are you all right?"

At that moment he noticed that his whole body was trembling.

"Rupert, say something."

Her face was full of panic now, and with an effort he brought out the words "I'm okay."

She released the breath, she had been holding and put her arms around him. He could feel her forehead on his cheek and her warm breath on his neck.

After a while she withdrew and asked, "What happened? You looked like you had a seizure or something."

"I just..." he hesitated only shortly. He could tell her. She wouldn't be shocked or appalled. "I just realized I love...Buffy," he finally finished the sentence.

She looked at him, partly pleased, but mostly surprised at what she had just witnessed. She hadn't been with Rupert, when he finally realized he loved her, and though he had told her that it had been very emotional, she hadn't thought of anything like that. She herself had experienced the realization as a warm wave of joy washing over her. Giles on the other hand didn't look particularly happy right now. He stared at some point beyond the wall, his expression unreadable. Poor Giles. He lived in a world where Buffy was his slayer and nothing more. Well a friend and confidante, but...but not in love with him. No, Angel was alive she suddenly remembered and suddenly felt guilty. She had come to find out whether he loved her and now she realized what pain that must bring to him. She wanted to comfort him, to tell him everything would be all right.

"She loves you, too," she said.

When he didn't react, she put her hand on his shoulder and repeated, "She loves you, too."

He looked at her, smiling painfully.

With her left hand, she stroked his cheek.

"Believe me. I have to know."

< If it were so easy, > he thought. He could allow himself to hope that she was right, even more, he believed her already, he realized, but what would he do when he came back. He could never tell her about it. How could she trust him, if she knew, that he loved her and hoped (even believed) that she would return this love. She would feel pressured and perhaps as if he wanted to take advantage of her misery about Angel. So he wouldn't tell her. He would have to pretend nothing happened. He would have to hide his newly found feelings. He wondered whether he would manage this. To see her as slayer only. To not think of the softness of her touch.

Her left hand was still holding his face, when she moved to kiss him. He didn't protest. He let it happen, but he didn't return her sweet kiss.

If he would, he couldn't have stopped at that. He would do everything she would allow him to do. It would have been up to her to stop them. And this Buffy loved him. He knew very well, that restraint was not one of her many assets. So it was up to himself to stop whatever was building between them.

When she realized he didn't return the kiss, she withdrew and stood up.

She smiled at him and he could see that she understood and didn't want to make it any harder for him.

She went to the door and turned back to say "Good-bye Giles" before closing the door behind her.

< Call me Rupert, > he thought once again in dismay.

~~~

He was nervously awaiting them the next morning. He hadn't slept well last night, not able to stop himself from fantasizing about Buffy. What it would be like if they admitted their love for each other and what it would be like with this Buffy who already loved him. He felt guilty. And afraid. But mostly happy. The way true love can make you happy, no matter how hopeless or complicated it is. It was overwhelming. Right now this overwhelming love was somewhat subdued by the necessity to keep calm and prepare himself for seeing her. God, how he wished to touch her.

"It will be two very long days," he said to himself, when Xander and Willow entered with Cordelia. Buffy was not with them.

"Hey Giles, is your underwear too tight or is it just the world nearing its end, that makes you look so..."

"Where is Buffy?" he interrupted Xander.

"She said something about chores for her Mom and that you know about it. Ah, yes, and she wanted us to give you this."

Willow handed him an envelope.

"Oh, yes. I recall it," he reacted quickly, before opening the envelope.

There was no 'Dear Giles' or 'Rupert' or even 'Hello'.
    
    
    I think it will be easier for us, if we  
    	 don't see each other till you are back.  
    	 I am sorry and wish you and Buffy all  
    	 the best.  
                    	              Buffy  
    	 PS: I know, you'll manage.

 

He put the letter back in its envelope and at the questioning look of the others said, "Just a little information, I had asked her." That didn't seem enough.

"I just...I just had asked her to try to recall how many vampires she had killed exactly last week. For statistics."

"Ah," Xander said, not believing a word, but if Giles didn't want to tell, there was no way they would get it out of him, so he left it at that.


	3. Part 3

When Giles came home that evening, he felt better. Relaxed. He wouldn't see Buffy, until he returned and now that he had time to think about it and encouraged by the letter, he felt he would manage to face _his_ Buffy. It saddened him that he wouldn't see this Buffy again, though. It was of course a relief, but on the other hand, he felt a longing for her. Not necessarily of physical pleasure, he just wished he could find out more about her feelings. The watcher diaries hadn't been of help, as this Giles had not chronicled their "love story" for obvious reasons. He was sure that he had written it down somewhere, though, but he couldn't find it. So he wondered where else he could find help. Something that could prepare him for his return. He wanted to know what to expect. He only knew what she had told him and what he could see in her eyes. That she loved him. But exactly of what nature this love was and how it had happened, he had no idea.

~~~

She had been surprised by his call, but also glad to hear his voice. He hadn't talked long. Just thanked her and asked her, if she could write down the story of their relationship after Angel's death, just as she had told him the other stories the day before. She would try, she had said and now she sat on her bed trying to put into words what had happened.

When Angel had died, he had nearly taken her with him. She had wanted to die and as a slayer her wish could have easily been fulfilled and it very soon would have, hadn't it been for Giles. He had accompanied her, when she went patrolling, and had saved her life four times, before it was enough. She remembered that day in the library. He had talked to her as he had every day before and she hadn't listened as every day before, thinking about nothing but her guilt and grief. He finally had shaken her and when she still hadn't reacted, he hit her in the face as hard as he could, which was pretty hard. She had fallen off the chair and he had knelt beside her taking her face into his hands helping her up, until she was kneeling in front of him. He had held her so close that her forehead had touched his.

"Buffy, you have to live," the words came and she was never sure, whether they were intended for her or more like a prayer, one says to an unconscious loved one in a hospital. Maybe it had been both. No matter what it was, she had heard it and it had seemed like the first words, she had heard since Angel's death.

"Yes," she had said and he had looked at her in surprise and taken her in his arms.

The next weeks had been difficult. It was a constant fight, but she had not buried her feelings inside. She had confided in Giles. She had talked about Angel and her feelings and he had listened. Their talks became dear to her and it became more easy to remember Angel, to look back at the love, they had shared, being grateful for the time, they had been given. After the depression, the tears had come, but finally and with Giles' help she had found a way to live with it. With Angel's death and her grief and guilt.

And unnoticed her feelings for Giles had developed.

She remembered the day, where he was just making tea, when she went to him and told him very seriously, "You know Giles, after all these evenings of talking and drinking tea, I should finally confess, that I really hate tea."

He put down the pot of hot water and looked at her.

"God, why didn't you ever tell me. I could have made you a coffee or you could have had some juice."

She burst out laughing.

When he realized, she was just kidding, he just said dryly, "Very funny. Two pieces of sugar as always?"

At that she had to laugh even more. Tears were rolling down her eyes and she got to her knees, bending down, not able to stop. He had come to her a little worried and had put a hand on her shoulder, crouching next to her, now laughing a little himself. When she finally could control herself again, she looked at him and said, "You should have seen your face. It was worth a million bucks," and then she had kissed him on the cheek.

That had been it. Not the big bang. No. Only a little sensation. But they had both sensed it and looked down after looking in each other's eyes for a moment.

Everything else had been as usual that afternoon, but after coming home, she had lain down in her bed and thought about Giles. Her feelings for him. Rupert later told her, that he had done the same, but it was more denying his feelings than analyzing them. He had been afraid. Buffy hadn't. She had been as calm as she hardly ever was. She had looked up at the ceiling and thought about that afternoon, and about other occasions. When she had cried in his arms, while he had comforted her. When he had saved her life or just when he not scolded her, although she deserved it, because he always knew, when she had learned the lesson, and when it was up to him, to teach her.

She imagined his face. Reproachful, when she deserved it. (She could almost hear his "Buffy!") Sad, when she was going through some pain. (He understood her better than everyone else.) His smile... She loved his smile...

She loved him. A warm wave of joy washed over her and she whispered, "I love him."

The next days she had just been happy. When she was not with him, she looked forward to seeing him, and when she was with him, she just watched him. He caught her a couple of times and always looked away (stuttering if he had been talking), but she just couldn't keep her eyes off him.

It was all a wonder to her. That she had never noticed before, what he meant to her. Had always meant to her. She didn't think about, whether her feelings were reciprocated. Not in those first days. She just enjoyed her newly found feelings. When she finally did think about his feelings for her, she did so without fear.

Looking back at her own self-confidence, she felt ashamed that she had been so full of doubts the day before. But she pushed the thought away and got back to the task at hand: the development of their relationship.

She had looked for signs that would support what she was sure of deep in her heart. That he loved her, too. But all there had been, were moments. These awkward moments, when they looked at each other and both felt that little sensation. Or did only she feel it? She couldn't be sure.

So she stopped waiting and looking.

One day, when he was just making tea, as he usually did, after she arrived, she had looked at his back and she had just said, "I love you, Rupert."

He stopped pouring the hot water, set the pot down and then put his hands on the edge of the cupboard, where the unfinished tea stood, as if he needed the support.

She couldn't see his face and it seemed like hours to Buffy, before he finally answered without turning around, "I love you, too."

They didn't move for what must have seemed like centuries to them, before Buffy eventually approached him. She put a hand on his shoulder and turned him around to her. His eyes were closed and she was surprised to see, that he was crying. She took his lovely face in her hands and just said, "Rupert".

He opened his eyes and said nearly inaudible, "I love you, Buffy."

She smiled at him and they finally kissed.

Slowly at first, but as their passion grew, they explored, not only with their lips and tongues, but also their hands. They hardly managed it to the couch, where they made love for the first time, reaching their climax together: Two souls bound together forever.

He had held her so tightly afterwards, that he would have hurt her, hadn't it been for her slayer's strength. It seemed he never wanted to let her go for the rest of his life and this display of his love had made her smile.

Just as she smiled right now, looking back at that day.

What else was there to tell? From that day on, everything had been different. Better. She had told Willow the very next day, knowing that she'd eventually find out anyway and that she would be hurt, that they hadn't trusted her.

Buffy remembered that she had been only mildly surprised, and very supportive. Xander on the other hand went through different phases: Disbelief. ("No way!") Disgust. ("You mean they...do it?!") And finally coming to terms with it. The latter paired with teasing them though.

And Cordelia seemed to have a hunch, she chose to ignore. Not to protect them, but because it was just so _in_ - _con_ - _ceivable_.

No one else knew and they tried everything to keep it that way, limiting their display of affection to short stolen kisses in Rupert's office in the library and to his flat. No whispered vows of love on the phone, her mother could overhear, no kissing outside, not even at nights in the graveyard. But they could live with that. They could live with that very well. The anticipation made their moments of passion just more pleasurable.

And in public they were just glad spending time together. When they were researching at the library with others, they once in a while looked at each other (very often at the exact same moment) and smiled.

They could spend evenings just lying in each others arms, not talking, not thinking, not even kissing, just enjoying each others company.

~~~

He put down the sheets of paper, he had been reading, to take a sip of tea. He thought about her description of their relationship, and guiltily caught himself, wishing she had been more detailed about their intimacies. The couch he was sitting on right now... God, how could this all have happened? How could he be such a "lucky devil"? But then again he wasn't. This other Giles was. He was the one who had yet to win Buffy's love or at least make her realize it. He would have to create situations that wouldn't give away his feelings, but would hint at her own possible emotion for him. It would be difficult, but the only alternative would be to wait. To wait until love found its way, but he wasn't sure, whether he would be capable of that. Now that he knew, they loved each other, he longed to express that love, to touch, to be touched. He stopped that path of thinking and went on reading.

The next part, Buffy explained, was about Rupert's feelings as he had told them to her. He looked forward to reading this. "His" side of the story. It was quite short compared to the part he had already read and the first sentence was,

'It was mostly denial, after that first sensation in the kitchen.'

He believed that at once, recognizing his own feelings since her kiss on his injury two days ago.

Rupert had noticed Buffy's watching him after that day and it had raised hope. And that hope, that his feelings might be reciprocated, finally led to his admission of his love for her.

Giles wondered, whether it had been as forceful, as it had been for him, but he doubted it. As he read on, he found out, that Rupert had, after admitting his feelings to himself, tried to ignore them. To let them lie, to not nourish them with the hope, he felt every time, one of those awkward moments with Buffy occurred.

Giles initial reaction was lack of understanding. He had to realize first, that Rupert didn't know Buffy loved him. Still it was strange, that his other self was so insecure, while he had no doubt right now. Neither about this nor _his_ Buffy. But isn't it always so that it's hard to understand that someone doesn't realize something that is so clear to yourself. And the other thing was of course, that he had found out about his feelings the night before. It was probably like with Buffy. The fresh love was so overwhelming, it didn't leave space for anything else including doubts and fears.

He had fears of course, but they were fears about himself. What he would have to do and even more so what he wasn't allowed to do, when returned. He didn't doubt Buffy loved him. But he wasn't going to force her to admit that feelings. Her initial reaction, he believed, would or at least could be fear. He didn't want that. So his only fear was, that he wouldn't be able to keep his feelings to himself, when he returned - and here. He had been afraid, that if he would touch (this) Buffy, love her, that it would be impossible for him to ignore his needs, when he came back to the Buffy, who wasn't prepared for his love. But this Buffy had understood him and had stayed away. He suddenly felt a wave of love for her.

She had caused him to admit his feelings for Buffy, which however problematic it was, filled him with joy. She had assured him, that she (and _his_ Buffy) loved him. And she had respected his need to stay away from her; she had offered it actually, when she had realized it. He didn't even have to tell her. She just understood him, loved him.

And poor Rupert hadn't seen it. He had been afraid and he had let Buffy take the first step. When she had told him, she loved him, Rupert had later told her, he had been overwhelmed with feelings so complex he couldn't describe them. Joy, exhilaration, no word could come even close to it, but also relief, anticipation, contentment and a little shame, that he hadn't allowed himself to hope and see.

After they had made love, he was filled with gratitude. Gratitude for being allowed to feel what he felt and to see his feelings reciprocated. He wanted to thank God. For Buffy, his slayer, the girl, the woman, the person that meant everything to him and that was going to mean more with each passing day.

'He smiled at that and I smiled back, tears filling my eyes,' Buffy had written and Giles himself smiled reading it, feeling (once again) the love for her. Though she was quite similar to his Buffy, she was a different person. And he realized that he would always remember her fondly.

Rupert had held her as tight as he could, in an effort to express their bond, but he had to realize, that nothing physical could ever achieve that. Still he couldn't let her go.

That was it. At least Buffy's description about his, Rupert's, feelings. Giles had to read it a second time before realizing that there wasn't really an end. Of course there couldn't be.

'Still he couldn't let me go,' seemed to sum it up quite well, now that he thought about it.

'Dear Giles,' she repeated the form of address, she had used at the beginning of her "report", on the last sheet of paper.

'I hope this was what you had in mind. It is impossible to capture our feelings in words, but I tried my best. You'll find the dimension of our feelings, when you look into your own heart. I guess, that sounds pretty pathetic,' < No, it doesn't >, he thought, 'but I can't explain it any better.'

'Meeting you was scary, but I also learned a lot. About Rupert, and about myself. It's funny, how you never really stop to think about your feelings. Writing them down, trying to sum up, brought a whole new awareness. I want to thank you for that. I hope my memory won't be "retuned". If it isn't, I will never forget you. And I will tell Rupert about you and Buffy. I should have asked about your world. The reason I didn't, was that I didn't want you to talk about me and Angel. It would have made both of us sad. And considering the turmoil, all of this put you in, maybe I should be glad, I didn't ask. Who knows, what happened in your world. Angel is alive, but maybe someone else close to me isn't. The thought of it makes me shiver.

Anyway, I wanted to thank you and tell you, that I'll miss you.

You'll find the right way with Buffy, I'm sure. And if you don't, she will ;-) '

What was that? Hadn't Willow once told him about these...smileys he thought they were called. And a semicolon meant it was winking. The letter ended with,

'I hope you have a smooth return

Buffy

PS: I love you.'

Was he unfaithful to _his_ Buffy, when he loved her incarnation in this parallel. He thought not.

He reread the letter, thanking God that she hadn't asked about his world. He couldn't have borne it, to tell her about Angel's fate and her own part in it.

He also thought about what she had said about her writing. He hadn't made any entries after concluding they would be replaced anyway, but now he thought, it could help him to write things down. To collect his thoughts and to make it easier to do his entry after his return. He put on his coat and put the thick letter in his pocket. Before he closed the door behind him, he took one last quick look at his room. He looked at the picture of himself (or Rupert actually) and Buffy smiling into the camera. He hadn't noticed it until she had left for the second time, that first day. And it was the only difference to his own home, that could be seen at first glance. He shut the door and went to the library.


	4. Part 4 and Aftermath

She didn't know, what drew her to the library. She had never been apart from Rupert for longer than half a day and now she hadn't seen him for two full days. If she couldn't be with him she at least wanted to feel his presence, and apart from his home, where she couldn't go now, because the other Giles was there, she could always feel his presence in the library. But when she had entered it, she found out she was wrong. The other Giles wasn't at home. He was in the library.

He hadn't noticed her. He was sitting at a table looking out of the window. The light of the full moon fell inside. He had been writing something, for he still held the pen in his hand, but his thoughts seemed very far away. She could partly see his face and though he was not smiling, she knew that whatever he thought of made him happy.

"He's thinking of me," she thought and felt a stream of emotion run through her. She swallowed and that was enough to make him turn around to her.

For a long moment neither of them moved.

< She looks beautiful, > Giles thought. But then, didn't she always? Still she seemed even more beautiful than usually. Was it the moonlight or maybe his own feelings that made her seem so radiant? Then he realized, that it was the love for him, he could see in her eyes. He had always treasured any moment, where she had shown him her affection. After her horrible 17th birthday, when she felt, she had let him down. Or after Eyghon had nearly killed Jenny and of course after she had rescued him after Jenny's death. It had been her need, her love that had given him back the will to live.

And most of all she had given him the ability to love. Without holding back or being afraid. Well, not his Buffy had given him that, but the lovely person, standing at the door of the library. How much he owed her, how much Rupert owed her. God knows, whether he would have ever had the courage to admit his love to her.

< You won't have to be the brave one again, Buffy. I will make you realize and then _I_ will end whatever fear or doubts may be left.  >

But he didn't explore those thoughts any further, as he slowly got up from the chair to approach her. His earlier thoughts of how difficult it would be to ignore Buffy's physical presence, once he had touched her, smelled her, tasted her, never crossed his mind.

He just looked into her eyes, the woman he loved (maybe not _the_ , but the difference of _his_ Buffy and _this_ Buffy disappeared to leave him with the knowledge, that he loved the person he was approaching right now - and that he had every right to do so).

When he had reached the middle of the library, she took a few steps jumping into his arms and the only thought left in him was, that before the night would be over and before he returned, he would know every part of the body, he so adored. He took her face in his hands and started exploring.

~~~

AFTERMATH

"Giles!"

He felt that someone was shaking his shoulder trying to wake him up.

"Buffy?"

"No, I guess there are millions of other people, who would come here at this hour to watch you sleep. Been researching all night?"

He rubbed his eyes and looked at her.

"If you want to call it that."

A smile crossed his face and when she raised an eyebrow, he added, "Never mind."

"Found out anything?"

"Very much actually, but I think Xander and Willow would like to hear about it, too. Until then we could train a little."

She sighed and he smiled again, thinking of last night, or to be exact, the part had spent with Buffy, for he could also remember reading an excessively boring diary in this parallel. He felt wonderful. Looking at her warming up, he knew that he had no urgent needs, he had to fight. (After all, last night his every wish had been fulfilled.) No, he actually could very well imagine himself to tease and scold her, as if nothing had changed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Why?"

"It's just that you're grinning like...like I don't even want to know, what you're thinking about."

He grinned even wider and she smiled back.

And if he ever felt he had to, he would just tell her that he loved her and everything would be different.

One way or another.

~~~

Entry in "Common Occurrences for Watchers or Slayers"

 **Hochstetter Parallels** (1998 Rupert Giles/Buffy Summers)

Transfer of Watcher into a parallel universe.

 _Description:_ The Watcher finds himself in a parallel universe. The differences in the parallels date not far before occurrence takes place, which can make identification of occurrence difficult. The Watcher is retransferred the next night of full moon.  
Effect in original universe: None during transfer (An Instance of the Watcher remains.) After transfer: Split Memory of Watcher.  
Effect on destination universe unaccounted for.  
More information see "The Hochstetter Parallels" by Rupert Giles.  
 _Times of Occurrences:_ around turn of century and half-century.  
 _Discovered by:_ Rupert Giles  
 _Notes:_ Named after Paul Hochstetter of Paul Hochstetter/Carole Guichard (1951-1953) by request of Rupert Giles and Buffy Summers.


End file.
